Black Beard in Boston

By Annie

In a stunning turn of events, Black Beard and his crew gained the temporary ability to travel in time. However, not knowing how precisely to use their time machine, they accidentally set the clock to April 1, 2006...location, Boston, Massachusetts. This is the tale of their eventful docking in Boston Harbor.

"What great land be this?" Black Beard asked, surveying the harbor. Luckily for them, when they traveled forward in time, they were also magically dressed garb current to the time, so innocent Bostonians would not be terrified at the sight of pirates docking in their quiet port. (The fact that Black Beard himself is a wookie, and his crew are various strange creatures, is a fact that somehow goes unnoticed by civilians during this adventure. Presumably, Bostonians are too jaded or too busy getting excited for opening day at Fenway to wonder about this.)

Green Ears the Wise surveyed the scene. "Aye...this land be Boston. I've heard tales in the prophecy about this land. It started off as one of the first settlements in this place called America. But now here in the future, it is filled with people who think they are very smart, and walk very very quickly to where they need to be."

"What great adventures can we be having here?" Black Beard asked, looking disdainfully at his jeans and Red Sox t-shirt. "And me not be liking this new garb."

"But you'll fit in with the rest of the townsfolk," said White Fuzz the Fury. He was dressed in khakis and a polo shirt with the collar popped, and his pirate hat was replaced with a blue cap emblazoned with a red B.

"I have heard of a monster that lives here," Green Ears said. "They call him the Green Monster."

"Well, then we be havin' our mission!" exclaimed Black Beard. "White Fuzz, come with me, and we be slayin' this Green Monster."

The two left the ship and started off in search of the Green Monster.

They started following a red line that was painted on the ground. Signs proclaimed it to be the Freedom Trail. "Surely we be findin' the Green Monster if we stay on this path," said Black Beard.

As they continued, they passed a statue of a great man. White Fuzz looked at the plaque. "His name is Samuel Adams. I wonder what great monsters he vanquished to receive such an honor?"

A young scallywag next to him answered. He was wearing a Boston University sweatshirt. "Dude, he makes beer!"

"A purveyor of ale?" Black Beard asked, intrigued. "This is a wonderful port!"

They walked for awhile on the Freedom Trail, with no sign of the Green Monster. Black Beard was starting to worry, when he accidentally bumped into a young woman, knocking her to the ground. "Aye! I be sorry, maiden."

"It's okay," she said, and got to her feet and looked at them curiously. "Hey, are you lost?"

"Aye, miss. We be lookin' for the Green Monster." Black Beard said.

"Green Monster? You going to the game? You're definitely in the wrong place. You need to get to Fenway. Just hop on the T and go to Kenmore." the girl answered.

Black Beard and White Fuzz stared at her, uncomprehending.

"All right, I'll take you," she said. "Do you have tickets?" They shook their heads. "We'll have to pay scalpers. Do you have any money?" Black Beard pulled some gold out of his pocket. The girl's eyes grew big. "Well, we'll have to stop in Chinatown and sell those," she said. "But you'll have enough."

As they followed her, Black Beard asked her, "What be your name, fair maiden?" The girl frowned. "I don't know about fair. But my name is Annie. I'm a librarian."

"Annie the Librarian! Lead us on our quest!"

She blinked again. "You are some weird dudes."

After selling Black Beard's gold at a store in Chinatown, Annie the Librarian led Black Beard and White Fuzz to the subway. They were very excited about riding the train, which was quite different from their ship. Once they got off the train, Annie the Librarian led them to a huge crowd, in front of a coliseum of sorts.

"Aye, what be this structure?" Black Beard asked, in awe.

Annie smiled. "It's Fenway. Nice, huh? Best ballpark in America! The Green Monster is inside."

Black Beard and White Fuzz took in the crowd as Annie squabbled with ticket scalpers. "Well, they were expensive, but we got tickets," she said. "Come on."

Annie led them into the park. Black Beard stopped at the beer stand. "Ale!" he cried. "Is this the ale made by the great Samuel Adams?"

"We have Sam," the beer vendor said warily. Black Beard and White Fuzz bought many glasses, and gulped it down. Annie was in shock. "You just spent about four hundred dollars in beer!"

"I be likin' this Sam." Black Beard said groggily.

Annie the Librarian sighed. "Come on! We missed the first pitch."

"Where's the Green Monster???" Black Beard asked, swaying back and forth.

"Inside! Hurry up, Schilling's pitching!"

They entered the park and found their seats. Black Beard looked around. "Where's the Green Monster? I must vanquish him!"

Annie looked at him. "Vanquish? What are you talking about? It's that wall over there."

"Wall??? Wall??? The Green Monster is a wall? I thought he be a terrible demon." Black Beard said, downing another beer.

"Nope. I don't know where you get your info. It's that wall. Wicked expensive to get tickets on the Green Monster."

Black Beard suddenly spied something on the corner of the field. "What be that?" He saw something green and fuzzy and monster-ish.

Annie looked, a bit nervous now. "That's just Wally. He's the mascot. Not a monster."

Black Beard jumped up and drew his sword. "That be lookin' like a monster to me! Come, White Fuzz!"

Annie tried to pull him back. "No! No! You'll get arrested. He's just a guy in a costume! Now yell, 'Yankees suck' and sit down!"

But a drunken Black Beard and White Fuzz paid her no mind, and leapt down on to the field. They actually got a few blows into Wally, before they were attacked by security.

And that is how Black Beard and White Fuzz learned what the Boston City Jail was like.